If you are a capable, ambitious, and successful person, there is a high probability that you are familiar with a voice. It’s the voice that, after you’ve received a major compliment, whispers, "If they only knew the truth." It’s the feeling that, despite all your objective achievements, you are just one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud. This is the Impostor Syndrome, and it’s a symptom of a much deeper, more pervasive condition that Tara Brach, in her book Radical Acceptance, calls the "trance of unworthiness."
The trance is a core, often unconscious, belief that we are flawed, deficient, and fundamentally "not good enough." We may have picked it up from family, school, or societal messages. But as adults in the professional world, it runs like a faulty operating system in the background of our lives, dictating our behavior and robbing us of our joy.
As a coach, I see the trance of unworthiness manifest in several common, painful ways:
Perfectionism: The belief that "If I can just do everything perfectly, no one will discover my flaws." This isn’t a healthy drive for excellence; it's a fear-based defense mechanism. It's the leader who can't delegate, the employee who spends three hours on an email, and the person who is terrified of feedback because they see it as a personal indictment, not as data for growth.
Workaholism & Over-Functioning: The need to prove our worth through constant effort. We’re the first to arrive, the last to leave, and the one who always says "yes" to another project. We are not working from a place of passion, but from a place of deficit, desperately trying to "earn" our place at the table. This is a direct path to burnout.
Procrastination & Avoidance: This is the flip side of perfectionism. The fear of our efforts not being "good enough" is so great that we become paralyzed. We avoid the big project, the difficult conversation, or the job application because we fear that failure will confirm our deepest fear: that we are, in fact, unworthy.
Chronic Self-Criticism: The most insidious symptom of all. This is the internal narrator who provides a constant, scathing commentary on our performance. "I can't believe I said that." "That was a stupid question." "Everyone else here is so much smarter."
For decades, our strategy for dealing with this trance has been to fight it. We try to silence the inner critic with aggression ("Shut up, I am smart!"), or we try to achieve our way out of it, believing that the next promotion, the next salary bracket, or the next award will finally be the thing that makes us feel whole.
The core, "radical" argument of Brach's book is that this strategy will never work. Fighting our feelings of unworthiness, shaming ourselves for feeling shame, or "white-knuckling" our way through life only deepens the trance. You cannot win a war against yourself.
The Antidote: What "Radical Acceptance" Actually Means
The antidote is Radical Acceptance. This is a term that is easily misunderstood, so let's be very clear about what it is and what it is not.
Radical Acceptance does NOT mean:
Passivity or Resignation: It does not mean, "My job is awful, so I just have to 'accept' it and be miserable forever."
Condoning Bad Behavior: It does not mean, "My boss is a bully, and I just have to 'accept' it."
Giving Up: It does not mean "I'll never be good enough, so I 'accept' it and will stop trying."
Radical Acceptance DOES mean:
"Radically accepting" the present-moment reality of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations, without judgment.
Let's apply this. When your boss is bullying you, "Radical Acceptance" means accepting the reality of what is happening inside you. "I am feeling angry." "I am feeling scared." "My stomach is in knots." "I am feeling the old story of 'I'm not good enough' being triggered."
You accept this present-moment experience, not because you like it, but because it is. You stop the "second arrow"—the self-judgment—of "I shouldn't be so angry," or "I'm weak for feeling scared." You just allow the raw, primary feeling to be there.
Why? Because true, wise change can only come from a place of clarity, not from a place of self-loathing. You cannot create a smart exit plan from your toxic job if you are blinded by a fog of shame and self-blame. You must first stop fighting yourself and see the situation clearly.
The First Step: The Sacred Pause
So how do we begin? The trance of unworthiness operates on autopilot. Our critical thoughts and fearful reactions are so fast, we don't even see them happen. Our first job is to simply interrupt the pattern. Brach calls this the "Sacred Pause."
The Sacred Pause is exactly what it sounds like. It's a moment, however brief, where you intentionally stop and notice.
You're in a meeting, you feel that familiar spike of anxiety, and you're about to shrink back. Pause.
You receive a blunt email, you feel a flush of anger, and you're about to fire off a defensive reply. Pause.
You're working late, you feel the exhaustion, but the "not enough" voice is pushing you. Pause.
In that pause, you do nothing but notice. You take one conscious breath. You notice the feeling in your body. You notice the story your mind is telling. You don't have to fix it. You don't have to change it. You just have to see it.
This simple act of pausing and seeing is the first, most powerful step in breaking the trance. When you observe your anxiety, you are no longer just your anxiety. You have created a space. You have stepped out of the trance and into the role of the curious, aware, and compassionate observer. In that space, for the first time, a new choice becomes possible.
Now that we’ve named the "trance of unworthiness" and the "sacred pause" that helps us see it, how do we actively start to heal it? In the next article, we’ll explore the "two wings" of Radical Acceptance: Mindfulness and Compassion.
If any of these concepts resonate, I strongly encourage you to read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach for a richer understanding. Tailoring them for you and supplementing these concepts with personalized strategies and tools is where a coach comes in.
