In our last article, we explored Tara Brach’s concept of the "trance of unworthiness"—that deep-seated feeling of "not being good enough" that fuels our imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and burnout. We learned that we can't fight our way out of this trance. Instead, the path to freedom is Radical Acceptance, and it begins with the "Sacred Pause."
But what happens in that pause? We’ve stopped, we've taken a breath, and we see our anxiety, our fear, or our self-criticism. Now what?
Brach teaches that Radical Acceptance is like a bird in flight—it needs two wings to be whole: Mindfulness and Compassion. Mindfulness is our clear-seeing awareness. Compassion is our kind, tender-hearted response. Many of us are good at one or the other. Some of us (especially in high-pressure careers) are good at a sharp, analytical "mindfulness" but have no idea how to be kind to ourselves. Others are naturally kind but get lost in their feelings. We need both.
Wing 1: Mindfulness (The Wing of Clear Seeing)
In the context of Brach's work, mindfulness is not some vague, mystical state. It is a precise psychological tool. It is the practice of non-judgmental awareness. It’s the ability to see our inner world—our thoughts, emotions, and sensations—with clarity, just as it is, without trying to change it.
For high-achievers, our minds are often our greatest asset and our worst enemy. They tell us powerful stories that we mistake for facts.
The Story: "My boss's short email means she's angry and I'm in trouble. She must be rethinking my role on the project. I'm probably going to get a bad review."
The Fact: "My boss's email said, 'Please see to this.'"
The "trance" is when we are completely fused with the story. We are the story. We live inside it, and our body reacts accordingly—our heart pounds, our stomach clenches, and we spin in anxiety for hours.
Mindfulness is the practice of creating space. It helps us "de-fuse" from the story and see it for what it is: just thoughts.
Name the Story: In your Sacred Pause, you can literally say to yourself, "Ah, this is the 'I'm in trouble' story." Or, "This is the 'I'm not smart enough' story." Just naming it takes away its power. It's no longer you; it's a story.
Get Curious About the Feeling: Instead of being overwhelmed by anxiety, we can get curious about it. This is a subtle but life-changing shift. "Where is this anxiety in my body? What does it actually feel like? Is it hot? Is it buzzing? Is it in my chest? Is it in my throat?" This somatic (body-based) investigation grounds us in the present moment, in the raw sensation, which is almost always more manageable than the catastrophic story our mind is telling about it.
This "clear seeing" wing is powerful, but it can be cold. If we just "mindfully" observe our own pain with cold detachment, we can become like a cold, analytical critic of our own experience. We need the other wing to bring warmth and healing.
Wing 2: Compassion (The Wing of a Kind Heart)
This is the part that, as a coach, I see so many of my clients resist. "If I'm compassionate with myself," they'll say, "I'll become a lazy, self-indulgent blob. My inner critic is what keeps me sharp. Fear is what motivates me."
This is the great lie of the trance of unworthiness.
Brach’s most profound insight is this: Fear is a bad long-term motivator. It's like driving a car by flooring the gas and the brake at the same time. It's high-energy, high-stress, and leads directly to burnout. Compassion is not a pass to be lazy; it is the vital ingredient for resilience. Think about it: If your child or a close friend came to you after making a huge mistake, what would you say? Would you say, "You're an idiot! You're a total failure and you'll never recover!"
Of course not. You would say, "Wow, that's so hard. I'm so sorry. You must be feeling awful. It's okay. Take a breath. What can we learn from this? How can I help?"
Why, why do we refuse to offer ourselves the same basic decency we would offer to a stranger?
Compassion is the act of turning that kind, supportive voice inward. It is not self-pity, which is, "Poor me, the world is against me." It is self-compassion, which says, "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of being human. How can I be kind to myself in this moment?"
An Actionable Practice: The Hand on the Heart
This can feel very abstract. So Brach offers a simple, somatic way to begin. When you are in your "Sacred Pause" and you've used the "Mindfulness" wing to see your pain ("Wow, I'm really feeling that 'impostor' story right now"), you then apply the "Compassion" wing.
Simply place a hand on your heart.
This simple physical gesture is not "woo-woo." It has a direct physiological effect. It activates the body's parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" system) and can release oxytocin, the "comfort" hormone. It's a physical way of communicating to your frightened, pained, inner self: "I am here. You are not alone. I will not abandon you."
You can combine this with a kind phrase. Something as simple as:
"This is a really hard moment."
"It's okay to feel this way."
"I am here with you."
The combination of clear-seeing Mindfulness and kind-hearted Compassion is what breaks the trance. Mindfulness sees the prison. Compassion is what melts the bars. When you can see your pain clearly, and then hold that pain with kindness—rather than with more judgment—you have changed the game entirely. You are no longer at war with yourself. You are on your own side.
We’ve covered the "what" (the trance) and the "how" (the two wings). In our final article, we’ll put it all together into a powerful, step-by-step practice you can use in any difficult moment: the RAIN meditation.
If any of these concepts resonate, I strongly encourage you to read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach for a richer understanding. Tailoring the concepts for you and supplementing these concepts with personalized strategies and tools is where a coach comes in.
