In our first two articles, we’ve explored the core of Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance. We’ve named the "trance of unworthiness" as the root of our professional anxieties, and we’ve learned about the "two wings" of healing: the clear sight of Mindfulness and the warmth of Compassion.
This is all wonderful in theory. But what happens when you’re in it? What do you do, practically, in the moment your boss criticizes your work in a team meeting, or you get passed over for a promotion, or you're simply staring at a blank page, paralyzed by perfectionism?
This is where Brach offers her most brilliant and practical tool: the RAIN meditation. RAIN is an acronym for a four-step process that allows you to apply Radical Acceptance in real-time. It’s a "pause with a plan" that you can do in two minutes at your desk or in a 20-minute reflection.
RAIN stands for:
Recognize
Allow
Investigate
Nurture
Let’s walk through each step, and then apply it to a real-world coaching scenario.
R = Recognize
Here is where you put the "mindfulness" wing in action. It’s the Sacred Pause. It's the moment you recognize what is happening. You simply and clearly name your present-moment experience, without judgment.
"Ah, this is the 'I'm not smart enough' story."
"This is anger."
"I am recognizing a wave of shame."
"This is defensiveness."
The power of this first step is profound. When you are lost in the trance, you are the anger. You are the shame. The moment you "Recognize" it, you are no longer the feeling itself; you are the one who is observing the feeling. This creates an immediate sliver of space, and in that space, freedom becomes possible.
A = Allow
This is the "radical" part of Radical Acceptance. Once you've recognized the feeling, your next step is to allow it to be there. This is the exact opposite of our lifelong conditioning, which is to immediately do one of three things: fight the feeling ("I shouldn't be angry!"), flee the feeling (scroll your phone, open the fridge), or feed the feeling (ruminate on the story, making it bigger).
Allowing just means letting it be. For just a moment, you drop the resistance. You can say to yourself, "This is here right now." Or, "It's okay, this feeling is allowed." You are not "allowing" the bad situation to be permanent; you are simply "allowing" your internal, present-moment experience of it to be what it is. This step stops you from pouring fuel on the fire.
I = Investigate
Once you've allowed the feeling to be there, you get curious. This is not an intellectual, analytical "why" investigation ("Why am I like this? Why did my mother..."). That's just more of the trance. This is a gentle, kind, body-based investigation. The goal is to get out of the abstract story ("I'm a failure") and into the direct, physical experience of the feeling.
You ask simple, open questions:
"What does this actually feel like in my body?" (Is it a tightness in the chest? A hollowness in the stomach? Heat in the face?)
"What is the worst part of this? What does this feeling believe?" (Often, you'll find a core belief: "It believes I'm unsafe," or "It believes I'm all alone," or "It believes I'm worthless.")
"What does this vulnerable part of me want?" (To be seen? To be safe? To be held?)
You are approaching this feeling like a kind friend, just listening, trying to understand what is really going on beneath the surface.
N = Nurture
This is the "compassion" wing in action. After you've Investigated and found the hurt, vulnerable belief at the center of the storm (e.g., "It believes I'm worthless"), you now actively offer kindness to that part of yourself.
You ask: "What does this part of me most need to hear right now?"
Then, you offer that nurturing. It can be a simple phrase, said to yourself with kindness:
"I'm so sorry you are feeling this way."
"It's okay. You are not worthless. You are just hurting."
"I am here with you. I will not abandon you."
It can also be a physical gesture, like placing a hand on your heart (as we discussed in Article 2) or on your stomach—wherever you feel the vulnerability. You are, in effect, re-parenting yourself in the moment. You are becoming your own source of comfort and safety. This is what heals the trance.
A Coach's View: Walking Through RAIN at Work
The Situation: You get passed over for a promotion you worked hard for. Your boss gives the role to an external candidate. You are devastated.
R - Recognize: You pause. You notice the wave of feeling. "I am recognizing intense disappointment, anger, and a deep story of 'I'm not good enough.'"
A - Allow: You go somewhere private. You take a few breaths. "This feels awful. I am not going to try and 'fix' this or 'be professional' right now. I am just going to let this wave of disappointment be here. It's allowed."
I - Investigate: "What does this feel like? It's a heavy, sinking feeling in my chest. I feel cold. The story is 'They don't see my value. All that hard work was for nothing. I'll be stuck here forever.' The belief at the core of this is 'I am invisible. I am not valued.'"
N - Nurture: (You put a hand on your chest). "This is a huge blow. Of course you're this disappointed; you cared, and you worked hard. It's okay to feel this way. This is a real loss." You offer yourself the kindness you would offer a friend who just got the same news. You give yourself the support you need before you can even think about "what's next."
After the RAIN, you are not magically happy. But you have broken the trance. You have met your profound disappointment with mindfulness and compassion, rather than with self-blame ("I should have worked harder") or rage. From this clearer, kinder place, you are now in a position to make wise choices—to ask for feedback, to update your resume, or to plan your next move.
This is a practice, not a perfection. But each time you walk through the RAIN, you are rewiring your brain. You are building the muscle of self-compassion and proving to yourself, moment by moment, that you are, in fact, worthy of your own care.
If any of these concepts resonate, I strongly encourage you to read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach for a richer understanding. Tailoring the concepts for you and supplementing these concepts with personalized strategies and tools is where a coach comes in.
